Understanding the Language of love In Time For the Holidays

Love languages have been a hot topic of discussion for several years now. I remember the first time I found out that I could speak multiple languages just by the diverse ways I showed someone how I cared. I was sitting in church my senior year of college while the pastor discussed the book the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman to a congregation full of, what felt like at the time, couples and married folks. That may have not been the case, but I assumed by all the “Amen”s and sounds of resonation, that there must have been more couples in the crowd who could relate than not. As a full time college student who could only comprehend the importance in a successful relationship between her almost 40 hour work week and her school schedule, after learning that it was going to be a multi-week series, whether the decision was conscious or subconscious, I did not return back to church until the next series had begun.

However, after returning for a new topic of discussion, the teaching of love languages still seemed to linger in between many of the lines of the pastor’s messages. It was also made known amongst the congregation that the book was ready and available for purchase in our church campus’s bookstore. Upon visiting this highly recommended bookstore on my fashion student budget, I learned that sometimes reading the back of the book and googling can be just as satisfying as reading what’s inside. Eventually, as time progressed and my focus began to shift post-graduation, I began to grow more curious about the five love languages and how they could relate to someone like me who had the bare minimum experience in romantic partnerships.  

For those of you who may not know or remember all of them, the five love languages shared in Gary Chapman’s book are (in no particular order) touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, and gifts. I, personally, believe that food should be considered the sixth but I also think it can fall under each of the ones mentioned above.

For example:

1. Touch- Feeding me fries while holding my hand.
2. Words of affirmation- “You deserve to be spoiled today with some French fries.”
3. Acts of service- Driving me to pick up my order of French fries.
4. Quality time- Spending time with me… at a restaurant that serves fries.
5. Gifts- Buying me French fries.

I have learned from both myself and other people that it is quite common for people to subscribe to multiple love languages and sometimes, all of them. So, for someone like that (me), Hitting them with that line from number two and then following up with the rest could be a relationship enhancing combo and I’m not solely referring to “romantic” relationships and partnerships.

In this past year, as love languages have evidently found a home in relationship and dating mainstream, I have begun to think about these love languages as a guide to navigating the waters of friendships, work relationships, family relationships, and even my relationship with myself. I have learned that the five love languages can apply to just about any relationship in your life to a certain extent based on an appropriate level of intimacy, proximity, and trust.

My whole life, I have been someone who loves to give gifts and although I was naturally the child who would pick out flowers from the ground to give to my mother, It didn’t help regulate my desire to give that my mother (the O.G., the original giver, herself) used to keep a huge tub of random gifts and trinkets for me in her closet and some blank cards to give away when it was a friend’s birthday at school. I still remember one of the most important lessons she taught me about giving (other than not expecting anything in return from that person). My mother used to tell me “Choose something that you know they will want and not just what you would like to give them.”

When I think about how the success of love languages was created, I remember those words. I also remember how although my native language to express love is through gifts, how I receive love is understood better through a completely different language. In fact, if I were to rank my languages to receive love in the most recent years, while acts of service and touch would be tied at number one, receiving gifts would actually fall into last place on the list. Now, again, I am someone who appreciates EVERY SINGLE LOVE LANGUAGE and will always smile and feel deep gratitude for a well thought out present, however, I know that there are better ways to communicate love to me on a daily basis that do not come with a price tag attached.

With this understanding of my own preferences, I have also understood that all of the relationships in my life come with their own preferences to receive love and DESERVE to be studied and communicated to in a way that they would like to receive love in. So, during this season of my life, I have made it a goal to not just show up the way I would like to show up but to show up in a way that communicates “I’m here and I’m present” by intentionally taking mental and physical notes on what makes the people in my life light up. I am consciously seeking to know what I can do more of out of my own ability and the overflow of my own cup to show the people in my life that they truly matter to me and how they desire to be loved and valued matters just as much.

Last, but definitely not least, learning what makes me feel valued and loved has given me the opportunity to show up for myself in ways a younger me never knew were important. This has not only greatly improved my relationship with myself, but by treating myself the way I desire to be treated sets the example for others in my life to follow suit.

Although there wasn’t a course in school offered on speaking in love languages growing up, it still seems to be a relevant and important skill to develop in life especially during seasons like this when giving is at an all-time high. For those of you who may be completely new to the concept of love languages or still in the intro class, I highly recommend using this season to become more familiar on the different types of love languages, how to speak them, and how to understand your own so you can also communicate it to those who desire to show up for you in yours!

Before you go, I also wanted to leave you with a few gift ideas that speak to multiple love languages for the holidays (other than French fries):

Touch:

• A warm blanket (Maybe even weighted or heated)
• A cozy sweater or cardigan
• Coupon for a massage (could be at home with you or with a professional depending on the level of intimacy and proximity)

*Also incorporates gifts and acts of service

Quality time:

• Plan a night out (or in) together: Date Night, Movie Night, Game Night, Christmas light night drive, etc. (Include their favorite snacks or preferred activities)

*Also incorporates gifts and acts of service (if this is a romantic relationship and your partner is an all five love languages type of person… Hold their hand while feeding them genuine compliments throughout the night.)

Words of Affirmation:

• A handwritten card carries a lot of weight (and this is coming from a grown woman who is still holding onto cards from the 6^th grade.)
• A positive affirmation clothing product or accessory from jkdjournals.com (Clothing, Candles, Journals, and more.)

*Also incorporates gifts and touch (If you get them a positive affirmation sweatshirt from jkdjournals.com)

*Great holiday gift examples below*

These are some great ideas to spread some love for the holidays in a language that the people you care about can truly understand and because I care so much about you, I wanted to remind you that JKDJournals is gifting you with 20% OFF ALL PRODUCTS when you use the code: “IAMGRATEFUL” at check out by Friday, December 1st, at midnight!

This giving season, show up on time with the perfect gift that speaks to multiple love languages and shop JKDJournals positive affirmation products TODAY!